Upsidasium Episode 21: Bullwinkle's Rise or This Goon for Higher/Transcript
Narrator: 'Well, in their search for the upsidasium mine, our heroes have finally got to Mount Flatten, the world's only floating mountain. But Bullwinkle, who unearthed a large boulder of the anti-gravity metal soon found himself falling upward at remarkable speed. '''Bullwinkle: '''I always expected to go to heaven, but not so soon. '''Rocky: '''Drop it, Bullwinkle! '''Bullwinkle: '''I can't, Rocky! I'm too high up! '''Narrator: '''It was true. Bullwinkle shot higher and higher, and truly, he was in a dilemma. '''Bullwinkle: '''Yeah. I dasn't hold on, and I dasn't let go! '''Narrator: '''Then the brainy squirrel got an idea. '''Rocky: '''If you still have your pick with you, just break some pieces off the rock! '''Narrator: '''And Bullwinkle did just that. And with each piece he chipped off, his upward speed slowed and slowed until finally, he actually began to move downward again. '''Rocky: '''Don't chip any more, Bullwinkle! That's just right! ''(Bullwinkle lands slowly and safely on his feet next to Rocky) '''Rocky: '''Boy. Keeping that stuff is gonna be harder than getting it. '''Bullwinkle: '''You know, I have the same trouble with money. '''Narrator: '''Meanwhile, far below them, those two sneaky characters, Boris and Natasha, still disguised as miners, were now hatching still another plot to steal Mount Flatten and spirit it away to Pottsylvania. '''Natasha: '''You sure this will work, Boris? '''Boris: '''How could it don't work? Was invented by Uncle Vanya himself. '''Natasha: '''Uncle Vanya? '''Boris: '''That grand old mean of crime. '''Natasha: '''You mean grand old ''man ''of crime. '''Boris: ''(laughs) I said "mean," I mean "mean." Look here. '''Narrator: '''And Boris showed Natasha one of his rarest treasures, an autographed copy of Uncle Vanya's collected recipes for robbers, ''The Fireside Cook Book. Boris: '''See right here, it tells how to steal mountain. '''Natasha: ''(reading) "Take fan, "A;" up in balloon, "B;" turn it on mountain, "C." '''Boris: '''Then wind blows mountain where you want it. Clever? '''Natasha: '''You sure Uncle Vanya did it? '''Boris: '''Of course! It says right here: "This plan is absolutely sure." Come. '''Narrator: '''And the two villains followed the instructions to the letter, '''Boris: '''Okay. Turn on fan, Natasha. '''Narrator: '''Sure enough, the huge fan blades spun at frightening speed, sending out a whirlwind of air. But unfortunately, the balloon was lighter than the mountain, and so... '''Natasha: '''Boris! Fan is blowing ''us away! Boris: 'Turn it off, Natasha! Off! ''Off! 'Natasha: '''I can't, dollink! Switch is stuck! '''Boris: '''Hoo boy! '''Narrator: '''And the balloon continued to drop madly about the sky. ''(cut to Rocky and Bullwinkle) 'Rocky: '''Hey, Bullwinkle, isn't that Mojave Max and Death Valley Dotty? '''Bullwinkle: '''Yeah. '''Rocky: '''That's a mighty strange looking balloon they're in. '''Bullwinkle: '''First time I ever seen one with a outward motor. ''(the balloon falls like a stone and crashes) (BOOM!) 'Natasha: '''I thought this plan was absolutely sure! '''Boris: '''Says right here! "Absolutely sure!" '''Natasha: '''Turn page, dollink. '''Boris: '"...to fail miserably." Well, (laughs nervously) ''that's one on you, Natasha. '''Natasha: '''And ''(laughs wickedly) ''here's one on ''you, dollink! (Natasha takes Boris's book and bonks him on the head with it) '''Narrator: '''But Natasha's fun was interrupted when a voice crackled from their radio. '''Fearless Leader: ''(on radio) Come in, Boris Badenov, whoever you are. '''Natasha: '''It's Central Control. ''(Boris rushes to the radio) Boris: '''Badenov here! The schnook you love to hate! Available for wars, feuds, and all kinds dirty deals. Go ahead. '''Fearless Leader: ''(on radio) Badenov, Mount Flatten is too big for you to handle. '''Boris: '''T-too big?! '''Fearless Leader: '(on radio) ''Someone is coming to take over. '''Boris: '''Take over?! '''Fearless Leader: '(on radio) ''Stop repeating everything I say! '''Boris: '''Everything you...Yes, Fearless Leader. ''(Boris takes a knife and prepares himself) Boris: 'Eh, just who is coming to take over? ''(click) '''Fearless Leader: ''(on radio) Who else? Mr. Big! ''(click) Boris: 'M-M-Mr. Big?! ''(the mention of Mr. Big causes Boris to drop his knife and fall unconscious) '''Fearless Leader: ''(on radio) That is all. Over and out, Badenov. '''Natasha: '''He certainly is, dollink. '''Narrator: '''And at that very moment, a jet-black jet is roaring toward Mount Flatten. Its passenger--Mr. Big! Be with us next time for ''"Boris Bites Back" ''or ''"A Rebel Without a Pause."